60 Day Bible Study

I am starting a new journey, a new bible study called The Lord's Supper.  I will be using this blog to comment daily on what I have learned and what God is teaching me through this.

Today I learned just how sinful I was when I first started my weight loss journey.  Every reason I had for starting it had to do with myself and what I wanted.  Never once did I think of how could I bring glory to God or what He might want.

These past few months my weight has crept back up and I have hidden in shame.  I felt I let people down and I felt guilt, I didn't want to step foot out my door.  I have hidden these past few months and will even cancel going to birthday parties or even going to the store where someone I know might see me.  I have fallen so far from who I was and now I see that even last year when I was skinny, running and felt amazing just how wrong it was.  I had built my castle on sand and the tide has been coming up beneath me and washing it all away.

What was once in my eyes my crowning glory and achievement has become my greatest shame and failure.  I have become someone else and picked up such bad habits I didn't even know I had.  I have found myself binge eating in private and just a multitude of other things.  When I started my weight loss journey and used the program I used I don't think that in itself was a bad thing.  But my reason for it was so off course it isn't even funny, I was doomed to fail from the start.

What started as a small pebble rolling down the hill became a huge boulder hurtling out of control.  I gained probably 60-70lbs back of what I lost in a matter of 4 months.  I am being VERY candid here and very open, I pray not for the wrong reasons.  My goal is not to bring attention to my journey in this but to what God is teaching and fulfilling in me.  He has broken me into tiny little pieces and while it hurt I am thankful for this.  Because now I have the opportunity to become something new, to be filled with Him and to pursue a life filled with His glory and not my own.

This is the start, not of weight loss but of being filled to the brim with God and learning to find satisfaction in Him and Him alone.

Justine