I quite my normal job to work for my parents, I don't have health insurance, I hardly make ends meat and I am pretty much living on my parents right now and have been since I quit my job. I don't go out on weekends and I rarely even go out on a week night, I work hard and some would say I have very little to show for it.
But you know what? I don't have a lot of worldly possessions and I don't do what "normal" people my age do. I am not knocking going out on weekends or enjoying a week day out sometimes, that is good and sometimes needed! But I know right now God has me in this place for a reason, he is teaching me to have a heart of contentment. Not only with the little things he has given me but more importantly in him, he wants me to be content in HIM.
"Make sure that your character is free from the love of money,
being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER
DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU," so that we confidently say,
"THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT WILL MAN DO TO ME?"
Hebrews 13:5-6"
This was one of the verses in my bible study today. You know what struck me the very most? That end part...it says "What will man do to me" and I thought yes but also what can man do FOR me? I am starting to see not really a darn thing, not without God in the picture at least. All things on this earth, the good, the bad or the in between come from God and only from God. So I am learning contentment even in the hard times because I know that God has me where he wants me.
It is NOT always easy BELIEVE me, I get jealous and frustrated sometimes because I look at things from a human perspective. I am human, I am sinful and I will fall in the flesh at times. So this blog post is by no means me saying I am perfect or I finally have a true heart of contentment. More like me saying "Okay I am slowly seeing the light here...I think I get it....sometimes". I am learning at the times when my bank account is zero and I have all these things stacking up I need to....hit my knees and say "God help me...". No seriously I have done that before *laughs*.
But I think what I am trying to really get at here is while I am not where I thought I wanted to be...I am happier and more content here than I probably would have been there (where ever there is). I know that yes right now is a HARD time and a very trying time, sometimes I have to REALLY pray for that heart of contentment and trust that God will bring that to me. Other times it comes more natural and easy, I love being able to work from home and I LOVE farming. But these are physical things that in the end I won't be taking with me when I get to heaven. So God is teaching me through all these trials, hard times and disappointments to have a heart of contentment in Him.
This ties into my food eating issues because I used to use food to find contentment. I can't count all the ways I tried to use it for contentment or the reasons why but I know I did. God is breaking me free of that illusion, I thank him for that. It is painful, hard and I don't always like it but God keeps at it.
As always I ask for prayers that God would continue to humble me, break me and now bring a heart of contentment. I still struggle daily, sometimes even by the hour to fight my bad habits and sinful thoughts. So just pray that I can continue to grow and learn, that my heart will be responsive and soften to what I am being taught.
God bless you all...
Justine
No comments:
Post a Comment